The Most Wonderful Time of the Year???

For those who know me, I'm not a big holiday fan. Mainly, I can't stand Valentine's Day and Christmas. Now look, I'm not trying to get into any debates with anybody here, I just don't like it. If you like Christmas, that's fine. You're stupid, but that's fine. So back in the day I wrote a blog about my feelings towards Christmas, and I thought I would revive it. Here it is, the old "Merry Christmas, Suckers" blog with a few updates I threw in. Enjoy, and I hope you all get lumps of coal.

I hate Christmas. Have I ever told you that? Hate it. "Why Kaleb, why on God's glorious green and red earth would you hate such a magical holiday filled with love and good cheer?" If you asked that question, I hate you, too. People like you make me throw up all over myself. Well, not really throw up all over myself, but more so just kind of in my mouth. You know the kind, when you swallow it back down, then pop in some Orbit gum so you don't have puke-breath. Now don't get me wrong, there are parts of Christmas that I like. I like the music for about two weeks or so, and I like going home and spending time with my family. Well, at least my immediate family. Everything else is simply sickening. I hate the build-up of Christmas that starts after Halloween. I hate the let down after the presents are opened in 3 minutes time. I hate the fake jollyness that people lay on really thick just because "it's that special time of year." I hate the bell-ringers who stare at me the whole time I'm walking into Wal-Mart and then make me feel guilty when I don't give them anything by saying, "God bless you, sir." I hate when I walk by these bell-ringers that I have to pat my pockets and shrug my shoulders at them to let them know I don't have anything (I really do this), then pretend like I'm on my cell phone when I'm walking out. I hate shopping, and I hate malls, and I hate the crowds. I hate the Zales commercials where one guy is walking out of the store and slaps high fives with the guy walking into the store while that ridiculous Vanessa Carlton song plays in the background. I hate the new commercial with the guy and his girlfriend at the cabin in the storm and he gives that creepy line, "I'm right here.... And I always will be." I hate the confusion of decorating a tree when it's 72 degrees outside. I hate watching the little couples walk around with their stupid mittens and matching toboggans and kissing under mistletoe, which is a poisonous plant for a reason! I hate the endless, worthless, crappy movies that TBS and ABC Family play all the time like Home Alone 3, Jingle All The Way, Santa Baby Christmas Maybe, Christmas Shoes, The Dog that Saved Christmas, Jack Frost, even Elf, and I hate how Rob Lowe seems to find his way into most of these movies. I hate Christmas parties and giving White Elephant gifts. We get it, your gift was a gift someone gave you last year, or it was inappropriate, or it was, oh my gosh this is so funny, an actual ceramic white elephant! I hate Christmas cards and receiving family Christmas cards and taking photos for family Christmas cards (sorry Mom). And if I see a freakin' reindeer anytime soon, I'm gonna put a hole in it's head, mount it on my wall, and show my niece and nephew on Christmas morning. So that's it! Merry Christmas, you suckers, and Bah Humbug!!!

Tiger-Tiger-Tiger Woods, Y'all!

Here's the thing. I use to keep a blog. My first blog was Xanga, raise your hand if you remember that site. Then, I got wise and moved over to MySpace. Then came Facebook, and I just completely gave up writing blogs because I figured people were more interested in keeping up with old friends than going to MySpace just to read what I wrote. Back in the day, I was pretty good at writing these things, and I missed it too much, so I'm giving it another shot. We'll see if it's worth keeping alive, or putting to an early death.

One of the main reasons I wanted to start this now is because there is one major issue in the sports world that everyone has something to say about. Of course, it's all about my boy, Tiger Woods. You've gotta ask yourself, why all this fuss over Tiger? Why did everyone try so hard to pry into his life after he had a wreck? Why was everyone so quick to jump to conclusions that it was domestic abuse? Why wouldn't anyone accept the fact that he wanted to deal with it privately? Why was no one satisfied that they weren't getting information? Why were some of the girls he had affairs with so ugly? I'm going to let you in on something that was going through my head, and there are probably very many guys who share my opinion. I didn't want to know a thing.

Yes, it's a provocative story involving the most popular athlete in the world, but I wanted so badly for the media to drop it and leave it alone forever. Why? Because I want to be Tiger Woods. Who doesn't? Maybe not now, but the pre-affair Tiger. The guy was dominant in a very difficult sport. He will probably go down as the greatest ever. He's known all over the world. He's endorsed by just about everything. He's the first ever billion dollar athlete. He lives in a mansion in Florida with his two kids and Swedish model wife. Are you feelin' me now? Over the past decade, he has been painted as the perfect portrait of a hero, and I bought into it. He made a sport that I love fun for everyone to watch. He even put out some great video games. People who don't even care for the game would watch when Tiger was playing. He changed the sport from a game played by overweight cigar-smokers to a game played by physically fit weight-lifters. He's a man. He is a man's man. And I wanted so badly for this story to be left alone so that idea didn't change, but it forever has. In some aspect, I was right. He is a man. He is not perfect. In fact, he's extremely stupid. I continually get fooled into believing that athletes are role models made of some other-worldly matter that isn't affected by mere mortals of Earth. I am continually proven wrong. I think that we all want someone to root for. I believe humans are inherently optimistic and want to see their lives played out as if they are extras in movies, rooting on whatever character they choose as their lead. However the movie always takes a turn for the worst when the lead character doesn't reach their climax the way we wanted them to.

What if we're the lead? What if we are the heroes of our movies? We place our hope in false idols and are constantly disappointed. What if we are supposed to be pulling for ourselves? Maybe God put us on this earth to make a difference in other people's lives. Yes, we have a supporting cast. Yes, we have conflict that we must overcome. Yes, because of Christ who will never fail, we will eventually overcome that conflict, hit the climax, and reach a resolution. God has written, produced, and is directing lives that He wants to use to glorify Himself through lives lived to the fullest. Maybe that's Tiger's problem, he's directing himself in his own feature film. Who is your director?